Average customer rating:
- A masterpiece of truth and insight
- Warning: His answer is never under any circumstances
- Worth your time...
- Good Book, But not an Easy Read
- Deep, intelligent, funny, useful, challenging, unusual, ...
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Should You Leave? A Psychiatrist Explores Intimacy and Autonomy -- and the Nature of Advice
Peter D. Kramer
Manufacturer: Scribner
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ASIN: 0684813432 |
Amazon.com
Uniquely conceived and utterly refreshing, Peter Kramer (Listening to Prozac) breaks the mold of most advice books with Should You Leave? Expect no authoritative voice retreating behind labels or manufactured jargon. Instead, in a series of fictive sessions with imaginary advisees, Kramer illlustrates complex problems; each one lets him give a different style of advice--from Freud's to Ann Lander's. The central question pushes the limits of traditional "silent therapy": can a direct, simple response to any problem of the heart be valuable?
Should You Leave? moves fluidly between discussions of psychological theory and imaginative flights, revealing both a wide body of knowledge and compassion. Kramer's questions, framed with sensitivity and irreverence, challenge our cultural fixation on autonomy and assertiveness. Given these, how can intimacy thrive?
Book Description
In his phenomenal bestseller Listening to Prozac, Peter Kramer explored the makeup of the modern self. Now, in his superbly written new book, he focuses his intelligent, compassionate eye on the complexities of partnerships and why intimacy is so difficult for us. With the art of a novelist and the skill of a brilliant psychiatrist, Kramer addresses advice seekers struggling with such complex questions as: How do we choose our partners? How well do we know them? How do mood states affect our assessment of them and theirs of us? What does "working on a relationship" truly entail? When should we try to improve a relationship, and when should we leave? Equally at home with Shakespeare, Emerson, and Kierkegaard as it is with Freud and Jung, Should You Leave? is a literary tour de force from a uniquely insightful observer and a profoundly resonant and helpful approach to resolving dilemmas of the heart.
Customer Reviews:
A masterpiece of truth and insight.......2007-02-04
If you are of a couple, whatever your situation, this book is a tour-de-force of elegantly insightful writing that will open your heart and mind. Dr Kramer's advice is of a subtle intelligence that will surprise and delight the close reader. Embrace this book and live with it for a few weeks. You will be rewarded.
Warning: His answer is never under any circumstances.......2006-12-31
I bought this book because I wanted to preview it before giving it to two close relatives who had asked me for advice about ending marriages. I survived 19 years in a miserable marriage, ten years single, and now 5 years in a wonderful marriage, so have seen all sides. This writer believes that there is never a good reason to leave any marriage. His entire premise, repeated chapter after chapter is variations of the same conclusion: If you want to leave your marriage, it is because you are suffering from (pick one: depression, commitment phobia, hypomania, or narcissism etc.) He says that if your marriage is miserable, it is your own misery infecting the marriage and you will surely be jhust as unhappy in the next so you may as well stay and be miserable or happy where you are. He raises other possible reasons for a person to end a marriage only for the purpose of belittling and dismissing them one by one. I pity anyone in a bad marriage who reads this book for an honest discussion of when you decide it's bad enough to leave. His answer is: "Never." There is growth in divorce. There is life after bad marriages. If more people knew what the good ones felt like, they wouldn't stay and wonder "should I leave?" for nearly so long.
Worth your time..........2005-01-13
"Should You Leave" is Peter Kramer's contribution to the "Self-Help
and Relationships" genre. There is cleverness working on several
levels as he goes from one anecdotal narrative to the next as so many
other books written by psychologists have done. But Kramer's goal is
not to give advice, it's to make the reader stop and think about what
advice is in the first place. He also builds on the themes he first
developed in "Listening To Prozac" and goes into the problem of how
undiagnosed depression can poison relationships and bring people to
the edge of divorce. The only real criticism you can level at this
book is that it was written because of the success of "Listening To
Prozac" and doesn't really have a strong reason to exist, other than
to provide Kramer with the opportunity to meander though several
themes for no other reason then that they are of interest to him as a
therapist. In the end he pulls off the rather clever trick of writing
a "Psychological Advice Book" that's a treatise on the nature of
psychology and of advice, but no real advice is provided, just a lot of
shrewd observations and food for thought. Do you think that's just a
little too clever? If so then you can skip this book, but if you're
still interested, good for you because you're in for a treat. This
book has better and more insightful psychological writing then you're
likely to find in any other dozen books on the subject. I have no
trouble recommending it.
Good Book, But not an Easy Read.......2004-05-01
I listened to the audiobook, and frankly I had to re-wind a few times to understand what Dr. Kramer was saying. It was almost like having an insider's view of what psychiatrists think, the thought processes they go through when deciding what techniques to use with patients. This book takes patience, but if you have the patience to re-wind or re-read, it is highly worth it. It was interesting to hear him talk about directive vs. non-directive approaches to therapy and when each is most applicable. I would have liked to see him include more examples of couples with children having problems. It seemed like a lot of his examples included childless couples. Also, a lot of his examples included those high on the socio-economic scale, which may turn off Johnny Lunchbox and Susie Middleclass.
I wish he would have included more about Rogerian therapy, and it's non-directive nature. I also would have found some more references to religion interesting. All in all...it was a good book. A lot of thought went into the work, and I can certainly tell Dr. Kramer majored in English in college. Perhaps he would be better at writing fiction..just a thought.
Jeffrey McAndrew
author of "Our Brown-Eyed Boy"
Deep, intelligent, funny, useful, challenging, unusual, ..........2003-12-17
With Beck's Love is Never Enough, it is by far the best book I have read on couples. With so many self-help books centered on finding fault in the other, this one brings a rarer and more usefully challenging perspective. I found it worth reading every year.
Some of the most striking points made by Kramer in this book:
- a promising relationship is one in which, when you change enough, a reciprocal response occurs.
- you need to grow in willingness to be slightly taken advantage of
- you want change ? then stay this time !
- if you want change, change yourself first
- to be committed is to be able to find the bills a mess (or anything else that drives you crazy) and be perfectly fine.
- if you chose somebody with about the same level of differenciation/maturity as you, then you are at the right place
- if you are with somebody easy enough to love and not frankly abusive, you should stay
- learn not to tolerate, but to actually love what you now disdain in your partner (stop being vicious about the unclosed soda cap bottle and learn to find it charming)
- you say your couple or partner do not feel right. Don't you have a problem with your work instead ?
- hidden depression in one or the other partner is the cause of half of the couple problems and breakups. A partner suddently finding all sorts of flaws in the other is a strong hint of depression.
- insist ! Not on leaving, but on staying and having it your way.
- beware of negative projective identification: you unconsciously force the other to behave in ways you fear.
- maturity consists in a large part in resisting to (and resisting the use of) projective identification
- use the current relationship as a greenhouse to develop your relationship skills.
- ethics do matter.
- men are from Illinois and women are from Indiana. They are different, but not in especially confusing ways.
- relationships are exactly like skiing: it does not work as long as you are in the back seat.
Book Description
101 THINGS YOU SHOULD DOBEFORE YOUR KIDS LEAVEHOME is packed with ideas andadvice designed to help parentsprepare their children for life outin the world, while making surethat both parents and kids enjoyevery precious moment. Fromstaging a food fight to serving ina soup kitchen, from planning a"tour de neighborhood" bike raceto telling family stories, some suggestionsare fun, some challenging,and others practical--but all willinspire parents with ideas for familytime before their kids leave the nest.
Customer Reviews:
Love your kids? Get this book!.......2007-09-15
Love this book! Especially thing #50 - Find a Church and stick to it. One statment stands out, "Being faithful to your church is a way of showing love to flawed people".
Derek
http://branchpastor.blogspot.com
Average customer rating:
|
Is He Mr. Right? How to Tell If You Should Love Him or Leave Him
David Samson , and
Elayne J. Kahn
Manufacturer: S.P.I. Books
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback
Love & Romance
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ASIN: 1561719129 |
Book Description
Is He Mr. Right? - How to tell if you should LOVE HIM or LEAVE HIM….
This book is for women who want to take full charge of their romantic life!
Men betray their real attitudes about relationships in the most innocent ways and these clues are everywhere, waiting to be deciphered!
You'll learn how:
His driving style reveals his real attitudes toward sex;
His music collection tells you about his ability to be emotionally honest;
The contents of his medicine chest show if he's a "mama's boy" or not;
His tipping behavior in restaurants displays how much love he's ready to give you - and how much he's holding back!
This book also teaches women essential things about men such as:
Is he ready to commit - or should he be committed?
Will he be reliable if the going-gets-rough - or will he flake out and get going?
Does he want to build a relationship - or tear you (and yours) down?
Can he really be trusted when you are not there?
And finally: Should you wed him - or shed him?
It's all true. This insightful information gives women the power to see - through any man in just a few minutes. No more waiting months, or years to find what really makes him tick - or that you've made a terrible mistake.
"Is He Mr. Right?" It would be wrong to buy any other book to find out!
Average customer rating:
- A Do-It-Yourself Publishing Job
- Top Recommendations!!!
|
Perfect Partners: Should You Stay or Should You Leave Step-By-Step (Perfect Partners)
Carolyn Huff , and
Wes Huff
Manufacturer: Empowerment Solutions Inc.
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback
Interpersonal Relations
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ASIN: 1891336037 |
Book Description
* 50 million people are in troubled marriages
Perfect Partners: Should You Stay or Should You Leave Step-By-Step is a companion workbook to Perfect Partners: Make Your Hopes & Dreams For A Great Marriage Come True. This workbook guides couples in troubled marriages or long-term relationships through what may be their darkest hour. Objective measures help you know whether to stay or leave.
End your ambivalence. Either be in your marriage or be out of your marriage. Be all one thing or all of the other. Ambivalence is a marriage and spirit killer.
Customer Reviews:
A Do-It-Yourself Publishing Job.......2001-09-03
This was a really dreadful book that I had to return. It is poorly written and badly edited. The typography is amateurish. It's too bad, because the authors obviously believe in what they have written but they apparently could not get a reputable publishing house to handle it. A much better book along the same line is "Too Good to Leave; Too Bad to Stay" by Mira Kirshenbaum.
Top Recommendations!!!.......1999-05-30
If you expect a book to be as much help as all the advice you get from your friends bundled up into one item, than this is the book for you! It is easy to read yet makes one think for a long time to come. I did find the title misleading at first; the introduction does focus on the other books available by this team of authors, the 16 compatability guideposts, but then it is stock full of practical thoughts. All these little notions you've had are talked about right hear; the book does not leave you wondering but validates your feelings and lets you put your thoughts into action. If you decide to end the relationship, you know why it did not work and how to do better next time. Otherwise, you'll know after reading this book why this person is right for you and can pass it on to your friends!
Book Description
This digital document is a journal article from Journal of International Financial Markets, Institutions & Money, published by Elsevier in 2004. The article is delivered in HTML format and is available in your Amazon.com Media Library immediately after purchase. You can view it with any web browser.
Description:
This paper analyses whether the owners of companies seeking to list will leave less money on the table if underwriters are employed to price and market the issue. Our findings indicate that limited liability and Industrial company initial public offerings (IPOs) that have used underwriters have left more money on the table than those not employing underwriters. Not only is there a direct cost in employing an underwriter but this study suggests there might also be an indirect cost. We also find that a positive forecast earnings per share yield may be useful in reducing the amount of money left on the table.
Book Description
This digital document is an article from Careers & Colleges, published by Thomson Gale on November 1, 2005. The length of the article is 1323 words. The page length shown above is based on a typical 300-word page. The article is delivered in HTML format and is available in your Amazon.com Digital Locker immediately after purchase. You can view it with any web browser.
Citation Details
Title: Get your fair share: when it comes to affording a higher education, you should leave no stone unturned. Take advantage of all aid sources--federal, state, college, and private.
Author: Don Rauf
Publication:
Careers & Colleges (Magazine/Journal)
Date: November 1, 2005
Publisher: Thomson Gale
Volume: 26
Issue: 2
Page: 12(3)
Distributed by Thomson Gale
Book Description
Here is a complete range of traditional Roman dishes, such as olive oil bread flavored with cheese. Included are explanations of the cultural values Romans ascribed to food and the social context in which it was prepared and eaten. While most Roman cookbooks detail complex banquet food enjoyed by only a tiny social elite, this cookbook provides easily made recipes for breakfast, lunch and dinner that can be enjoyed by everyone.
Customer Reviews:
Excellent insights into history as it applies to food.......2007-03-25
I am impressed and excited about this book. There is an abundance of history included with the text, as well as easy to follow recipes. First given with the (translated into English) original text reference, and then with an interpretive recipe to follow. I like this, because it gives the reader a chance to re-interpret the text and try some other variations as well, if for any reason you feel the interpreted recipe might be wrong. It also allows the reader to come up with your own variations based on the given historical text excerpts. I highly reccomend this book for anyone who is interested in learning more about ancient Roman cuisine. While most of the recipes do seem to be focused on foods available in Italy, it does talk about the distribution of foods among the vast expanse of the Roman empire, from North Africa around the entire Mediterranean basin and up through the northern European region. I would like to see a book just like this one written about the foods of the Holy Land. It is exactly the type of information I am looking for.
Fun read but flawed cookbook.......2007-01-22
Roman Cookery is a great read for the fact that Graves provides fascinating insight into ancient cooking techniques and this portion of the text is well researched and presented. As a cookbook however, Roman Cookery has its flaws. A lack of serving sizes is definitly the most striking of these omissions but a general lack of description and explanation makes obtaining the desired end a difficult process. While a couple dishes turned out great a majority were either overcooked or needed more or less of the ingredients to make the meal work (not spices or other opinionated deviations but the neccesary steps such as the amount of flour needed to make dough as opposed to batter, for example).
All in all I would recommend picking up the book to experiment with some side dishes here and there and to read the historical discourse on culinary techniques but don't try to plan a week of meals out of the book or else you may find yourself frustrated in the process.
Time for a banquet!.......2006-08-15
Researching ancient Roman recipes can be be frustrating, and leave the searcher a little bit baffled as to ancient ingredients and portions! But this little volume offers a wide selection of recipes that can be easily prepared in a modern kitchen. With some basic shopping, a Roman banquet can be offered to friends and family alike. I've found that this volume gives me the wherewithall to put together a rather elaborate party with modern palates satisfied and piqued! Definitely a great help, this little book!
Delicious.......2006-07-15
Though the items are measured in ounces rather than cups, they are delicious. One iten flopped, but I've had people asking for the recipies for several dishes! Yummy!
Not just fancy food.......2002-09-12
This is one of the first books I've seen on classical/historical cooking that represents the "food of the people" rather than the fancy food of the nobility that Apicius and other gourmets were writing about. Grant uses some non-traditional sources such as works on agriculture to get some clues as to what the common people were eating. His recipes are easy to follow and generally easy to prepare. Great for anyone interested in historical cooking for everyday rather than party fare.
Book Description
“It is the culinary legacy of the ancients that inspired this cookbook. . . Re-creating the cuisine of the ancient Greeks and Romans helps us connect in some small but wonderful way to their time, teachings, and lives.”
–from the Introduction of The Philosopher’s Kitchen
“Pleasure is the beginning and end of living happily,” said the Greek philosopher Epicurus two thousand years ago. Certainly the dazzlingly varied, subtly seasoned cuisine of ancient Greece and Rome measured up to the highest standards of eating pleasure. The Philosopher’s Kitchen offers seductive, modern interpretations of these dishes using a variety of sources, from writings by Plato, Aristotle, Homer, and Cicero to the oldest known surviving cookbook.
Here is a rich array of culinary delights, ab ovo usque ab malum, or “from eggs to fruit,” as the Romans said. Mussels in Cumin Sherry Sauce, Chestnut-Mint Puree, Chicken Breasts with Hazelnut Pesto, Lamb with Pomegranate-Glazed Onions, and Walnut Cake with Fig Jam are just a few of the delicious, healthy, and gorgeous recipes in this book that will delight and surprise the modern cook.
Francine Segan also allows us a glimpse into the ancient world by putting each recipe in its cultural context, taking us to Greek feasts and Roman banquets and revealing customs, expressions, and superstitions that are still very much a part of modern life. She shares tips on entertaining, even including sample invitations a host can use to summon friends to a Roman spread of his or her own.
Organized for easy, efficient use and replete with Tim Turner’s stunning photographs, The Philosopher’s Kitchen is a glorious buffet for the senses, providing literal food for thought.
Customer Reviews:
Excellent recipes beautifully presented.......2006-11-10
I've made a number of recipes in this book and they have all been delicious and unusual. The photographs are lovely and the book contains appropriate quotes that stimulate the intellect as well as the appetite!
Interesting, but not for the purist.......2005-08-21
This is a pleasant little book, with some good recipes in it, but it is not for the person attempting to re-create dishes as the Romans would have eaten them. What you have here is good basic cooking without tomatoes or other New World additives. Without the pretense, there is some good food here.
For the person who wants to eat as the Romans ate, there is not a lot of choice. You have to get a copy of Apicius and start playing with quantities, hoping that your substitutions are passable (hard to find liquamen in the supermarket; asafetida is a great ingredient that should be used more, but even the Romans said it was no substitute for real sylphium, gone forever), and trying to get a feel for the tastes and textures of a different time, recognizing that even Apicius does not offer what the typical Roman ate day-to-day.
The Philosopher's Kitchen is a decent cookbook with a very proper emphasis on fresh ingredients, and there are some very pleasant dishes in it, so long as you aren't looking for much genuine antiquity.
Awesome recipes.......2005-01-15
Ever since I first ate at a "Roman" restaurant in Trier Germany (the ancient Roman capital of Germany), I have been fascinated with ancient cuisine. When I first heard of this book, I was anxious to get it and did as a Christmas present. I have prepared several of the recipes so far and they are fantastic. The book makes for great reading as well and is a joy to just page through, though eating the results is even better.
Great Entertaining Source and Fun Foodie Read.......2004-09-19
This is the third literary themed cookbook by self-styled food historian Francine Segan. The first, which I have not reviewed or seen, dealt with meals from movies. The second volume that I did read and favorably review dealt with recipes of dishes based on quotes from Shakespeare's plays and documents contemporary to Shakespeare. Aside from the fact that `contemporary of Shakespeare' was interpreted a bit liberally, with references to works which were published many decades after Shakespeare's death in 1616, this was an entertaining and informative book with recipes you would actually want to make, as the author modernized all of the texts to fit modern cookery praxis and cookbook readers' expectations.
This third book, `The Philosopher's Kitchen' deals with recipes from ancient Greece and Rome. In many ways, this book is superior to the Shakespeare volume. For starters, I suspect many people are actually much more interested in Mediterranean cuisine before the advent of New World fruits and vegetables than they are with the early version of a cuisine with few contemporary claims to fame. A second advantage is that there really are a lot of ancient references to recipes, many with a lot more substance to them than the hint given in a single Shakespearean line. Those Greeks and Romans liked to talk about and write about their food as much in ancient times as they do now.
I have often heard it said that the ancient Romans were basically vegetarians, with only the occasional piece of meat used more as a seasoning than as an important source of protein. You can see from these recipes why beans and greens and mushrooms and other vegetables are so important to modern Mediterranean cuisine by seeing their role in these recipes.
The olive and the grape were as important in ancient times to the Mediterranean cuisine as they are today. In fact, there is a Latin quote that says that a meal without wine is a meal for the dogs. It seems odd, therefore, that the author did not include any wine recommendations with these recipes, although wine and wine vinegars are used liberally in these recipes. Similarly, olive oil was as much a final dressing to dishes as it is today in Italian cuisine. Mario Batali would have been right at home in an ancient Roman kitchen.
The attention to sauces also reminds one of French cooking of Careme and Escoffier that has often been described as being done to accommodate poor teeth. I suspect the dental equipment of the ancients was no better than that of 19th century Frenchmen.
The nine (9) chapters of recipes follow a very traditional organization, with the twist of titles borrowed from ancient texts. The eight chapters of recipes are:
Ad Gustum: Appetizers where lots of olive based goodies look a whole lot like Italian, Provencal, and Spanish starter dishes. The author takes more than a little poetic license by using pasta that, strictly speaking, was a medieval invention. All is explained, so all is forgiven.
Fire: Soups and Stews where the absence of the tomato is more dramatic than in most sections. Figs are an important ingredient in recipes throughout the book and it is surprising to see them appear in meat stews in this chapter.
Earth: Salads and Vegetables have lots of fennel, kale, beans, squash, celery, leeks, and Brussels sprouts. These recipes seem especially fresh and inviting.
Water: Seafood has many dishes that look remarkably modern such as the red snapper in parchment. The ancients didn't use their good vellum to cook. They used salted fig leaves to take the place of the modern silicone product.
Air: Poultry also has many modern looking recipes, as the New World vegetables play less of a role in cooking birds.
Macellum: Meats has meatballs, pork chops, steak, stuffed squash, pork loin, lamb, veal chops and tenderloin. Gingersnap cookie crumbs stand in for ancient spiced breadcrumbs here.
Panis: Bread where I suspect the variation from the ancients is pretty dramatic. They had yeast, but certainly not `instant dry' yeast. And, baking powder was not invented until the late 19th century.
Ambrosia: Desserts has simple recipes which are probably closer to the ancient original in substance than many other dishes, especially the breads.
The original ancient text on which the modern interpretation is included with every recipe, so you can easily see how much interpretation was done to create transpose the ancient quote into a modern recipe. Not surprisingly, a large number of recipes are from the famous Roman cookbook `On Cookery' attributed to Apicius.
While the author is credited with being a `food historian', these works are much more like popular interpretations of food history than they are scholarly works. The author very wisely includes an extensive bibliography of her references, but this does not make this an academic book. Aside from the enjoyment of reading the recipes, stories, and rationales in recipe translations, the very best use of the book would be as a source for entertaining to a theme of ancient recipes. The recipes are just complicated enough to impress guests, and just simple enough to allow them to be done by cooks with modest talents. The added cachet of serving dishes from the ancient world is more than worth the price of the book. Use if for your next ides of March party.
The rationale for using philosophers in the title of this book is a bit thin, especially as most of the dishes are based on Roman sources and Imperial Rome was not known for its philosophers. A similar case could probably be made for poets or playwrights. They probably wrote about food as much or more than Plato and Aristotle.
Excellent source for themed entertaining and a darn good foodie read.
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